Wednesday, August 3, 2011

It's bad enough to have a constant backseat driver, but now they think I'm going to put Yoda in my car?

Think again.

I'm one of those people. You know, those people with no sense of direction (go ahead and tease me if you must, I have no rebuttal). Remember when your mother told you never to point because it's rude? Well it is rude, but that's not why I try to never, ever point. Pointing generally leads to personal embarrassment because I'll inevitably be pointing in the wrong direction from whatever I'm trying to demonstrate. That includes pointing toward my own home from just a few blocks away. I'm not even kidding here guys - I have seriously indicated to someone that my home was in a completely different direction because I'd made two turns since leaving it not 5 minutes before. It is that bad.

[caption id="attachment_1273" align="aligncenter" width="165" caption="This was supposed to be the working title for my autobiography."][/caption]

My directional handicap might be amusing if you happen to know me, but it's confusing if you don't, and downright risky if you stopped to ask me directions. And worse still...if I get lost, I'm completely and totally lost. I'm amazed and impressed by people who can "find their way back" from places. Me? I've found my way to another state before I knew I was in trouble before. Enter: Garmin. I love my Garmin GPS! I live by my Garmin and her crisp Australian accent (yes, I chose the Aussie girl - she sounded friendly at the time).

But being so Garmin-reliant for years now, eventually I began to detect a hint of frustration in her voice. I sometimes miss a few turns here and there (I know, it's hard to believe right?). When I do, my electronic Australian friend tries ever-so-hard to set me back on course. "Continue 200 feet, then make a U-turn" is friendly enough. "Make a U-turn" follows with a little more emphasis. When I miss that, sometimes I think there's a deep sigh as she says "recalculating..." and tries again to send me on my way.

Then today I read that I can give up my Aussie backseat driver and go for Yoda or Darth Vader! Star Wars voices might be very cool for someone who can actually follow directions, but for me? No way.

First off, Yoda. You're kidding, right? I'm lucky to follow a simple voice command! Twist that around Yoda-style and all hope is lost. I'm no Jedi behind the wheel. I know it. Yoda knows it. Why make life harder for both of us?

Darth Vader though - that would be disastrous. I do wonder exactly how he'd say "You missed your turn," but I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that it would probably not be with patience and understanding. For someone like me, trying to navigate the mean streets of my own town is hard enough without the pressure of a Sith Lord breathing down my neck. And seriously, with my track record, we've pretty well established that the force is not with me. I don't stand a chance.

So for now, I'm sticking with my Australian friend. She may be a little impatient, but at least I think I could take her in a fair fight.


[caption id="" align="aligncenter" width="451" caption="I can probably deal with this on the dashboard instead. But if you pair it with the GPS voice, things might get a little too real."][/caption]


Bren926 said...

Thank God I can't drive yet. I can hardly figure out where I am in my own Minecraft Places. I can hardly make it to the highway in Mafia II without running someone over.

Bebs said...

lol Bren! I just got Minecraft...I'm sure to be completely lost in no time!

JD said...

I built a compass last night in Minecraft so no more getting lost for me!