Thursday, July 21, 2011

The Hazards of Being Hello Kitty (part 2)

Hello KittyLast week, we got a lot of comments about my adventures as Hello Kitty, so as promised, I've got another tale to share - the story of my near-miss with decapitation while being Hello Kitty. Click here if you missed part 1.

This one started with a typical assignment: all I had to do was hang around with a news crew, waiting for the morning broadcast to go live to us. After that, wave and mime while a reporter talks about my next appearance. Easy, right?

Wrong!

I mentioned before that the costume is very hot, but I'm not sure if I've properly conveyed how hot. In the middle of a blizzard, you'd be sweating in that thing.  Have you seen The Deadliest Catch? See how cold those guys look? Well if they were working in kitty suits, they'd be complaining about the heat instead. I'd say that all those mountain climbers, arctic explorers and sled drivers you see in snowy climates should wear character costumes instead of Polartec to keep warm, but I know why they don't: it's just too hot in there.

Anyway, the camera crew had set up an area for me under an atrium skylight, with hot studio lights focused on a small stage. I wasn't too thrilled when I saw the spot, but I told myself it would be fine. After all, we were just there to do a few seconds of promotion during the newscast. What could possibly go wrong?

I got into position with the reporter and was told not to move under any circumstances because we'd only have a few seconds' notice when the camera went live. So I waited.

...and waited

and waited...

I can't say for sure how long I was there - you don't get much frame of reference for time when your only view of the world is through a 4-inch window in a cat's nose. I do know that the reporter would periodically confer with the crew, then get back into position and wait for a cue that never came.  While I sweltered away, I even saw them all getting bottles of water and finding chairs to sit down, but no such luxury for the kitty! Pretty weak, if you ask me - I was the one standing there in 50 pounds of cat suit under blazing lights! That's the last thing I remember thinking before chaos struck.

 




[caption id="attachment_1206" align="aligncenter" width="110" caption="You've got to be kidding - I have my own water bottle, but can't have a drink? Call the ASPCA!"]Hello Kitty Aluminum Water Bottle[/caption]

I had been staring through my perpetually-happy cat face longingly at the water bottles, then suddenly I was on my back in pitch blackness with my head being forcibly wrenched from my neck! Not just my costume head - my actual, human head! I could hear muffled shouting, and naturally, I started swinging and fighting with every ounce of strength I could muster. I realized that someone was blocking my vision by pressing his face against the costume's eye screen trying to look in (logically, I assumed he was a costume-character serial killer trying to watch me suffer). So I did what any kitty would do and started punching him as hard as I could with my big, puffy cat-paw hands (what I wouldn't have given at that moment to have been a different character - one with claws and a weapon).

[caption id="attachment_1209" align="aligncenter" width="228" caption="I think we're going to need more of these."]Hello Kitty Bandages[/caption]

The shouting got louder and my head - oh my head! Someone still was trying to pull it off of my body, forcing it back and forth. Another hand groped around my neck, trying to choke the life out of me, I was sure. The kitty head, by the way, is held on pretty tightly with chin straps and shoulder supports because it is very hard to balance that heavy, over-sized oval. I screamed for them to stop, for help, for mercy. I even screamed a few choice words that Hello Kitty is never supposed to use. And with adrenalin flowing,  I fought like a maniac. A maniac covered in fur and padding. But I would not go down easy! I couldn't get up, but I wasn't staying down!

I can't say how long I fought or how many men I punched that day, but after those moments of blind panic, I finally heard someone shouting, " Just get off her! Get back!"  And for some reason, I thought it was because I'd actually hurt someone with my puffy white fists. I felt like a Hello Kitty MMA fighter, and I was getting ready for round 2. Suddenly, everyone backed off for a moment.  I stripped off a cat paw and quickly went under the costume to release the straps holding the cat head to mine - I wasn't going to let them use that against me twice!

I threw the head off and tried to get up in one motion, looking around wildly for my attacker while I slipped and fumbled to try to stand.

Of course, all around me was a crowd of worried faces and a lady trying to give me water, begging me to stay down. Now all of this is told from my perspective, inside the cat suit. Perhaps I should also tell you what the camera crew saw:

One minute, Hello Kitty was simply standing on stage, bored like everyone else. Nobody noticed much when my head began to sway side-to-side, but they did see me fall straight backward when I passed out from the heat.  When I didn't move or respond though, they started trying to get me out of costume to see what was wrong - that's how I returned to consciousness with people peering into my cat nose, completely blocking my vision while they tried to wrench the head off the costume or find a release for it on my neck. I don't think any of these kind people expected that Hello Kitty would wake up ready to throw down!

[caption id="attachment_1210" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="The Mega Bloks Hello Kitty Big House is popular, but I wonder if they'd consider adding a Hello Kitty Fight Club basement?"]Hello Kitty Big House[/caption]

Though I was in a blind panic when it happened, I like to think I gave the best show of my career. Because really, it isn't every day that you get to see Hello Kitty come up fighting, punching and swearing at people in front of a live news crew.

In answer to the obvious question: yes, they filmed part of it, and no, it did not air. They switched on a camera at some point after I went down, and I do know why. If I had not been okay, what a headline! Hello Kitty Dies, Live on Film, News at 11! Fortunately, the alternate story, Hello Kitty Beats Up Good Samaritan, didn't pass editorial review.

Do you think you could handle a job like this? Do you have what it takes to be Hello Kitty, or another costumed character? Tell me below!

72 comments:

JD said...

I'm thinking you should have to wear a character costume for this job.

Bebs said...

Can I get an Angry Bird costume? And can we fire me through a giant slingshot? If so, I'm down.

Kommando said...

No, that is mighty dangerous. You'll need some Angry Bird bandages, if you ever go through with it. Plus, giant slingshots cost a fortune.

Jared said...

i wAnt to win a 24k plated gold brickarms needler please anyways that would be a disaster

UrBaN cAmO

Mandalore said...

Hmmm, you job dont sounds very amusing, but Im sure if you dress like Hulk, babes will come to touch your muscles ^.^ But no, I dont think I have what it takes for that job.

Mike (twin2b25628) said...

I thoroughly enjoyed this article, it gave me a good chuckle with a wince of pain mixed in as well...

I wouldn't want to be that 'Good Samaritan' that got beat up. It sounded like you were being a feisty little kitty! Meow!!

I am glad you're okay. Hello Kitty can be hazardous, this article proves it.

(I want to win a 24K Gold Plated Needler from ToyWiz.com!) (See who copies me...)
-Mike-

Purplebeez said...

That cracks me up every time. Well I probably couldn't even pick up a costume that is over 45 pounds. Why didn't the news people put the tape that they get on air? That would be awesome.

Matthijs said...

I agreed with JD,
What about...a pototoe costme. Potatoes are wlecome in every dinner, So you'd be welcome on every job. :P

Will said...

I wouldn't want to work as Hello Kitty, maybe the Minifig at Brickworld. Wait.......... He wasn't here this year!

Bob12345swn said...

I'd probably fall over wearing a fifty pound costume >.>

SWAT minifig guy said...

I could not ever go through that and retain my sanity. The whole idea of character costumes strikes me as ridiculous and claustrophobic. Add to that your unlucky experiences and I don't know how you kept yours.





Still, it makes for a good read.

rivers46 said...

I want a golden brickarm!!! Also why would they make you wear a scorching hot costume, can't they invent one with A/C or like ice packets?

Liam4242 said...

That sounds like a great headline "Hello Kitty on Brutal Rampage"!
I can kinda feel for you in that hot suit because I'm in a 102 heat wave with no air conditioning.

Nitrous said...

Don't think I could pull that job off.
I have to admit, though, it's too bad that Hello Kitty taking down a bunch of grown men didn't appear on television, that'd be insanely funny.
:P

eclipsegrafx said...

(i dont see my response anymore so forgive me if this is a double post)


I have done a few characters at church for a couple of hours in the summer. My favorite was sponge bob. Though for that one I had to Do the electric slide about 4-5 times. IT WAS HOT IN THERE. All I could do to keep cool was swing his head side to side to catch a breeze.

I was once ELMO in a hot red suit standing in the sun greeting the kids as they came in to an event.

No water there either. :P

Unfortunately I never had an entertaining story like this one above. I look forward to our next performance though. As hot as it gets in the suit, for me it was worth it when I saw adults and children alike, smiling and getting excited to see me (the character) dancing down the isles. :P

The Brick Guy said...

I really love how these articles are narrated, and hope you or the other people weren't too shocked after the incident :P

As for being a costumed character, I do have lots of patience, so waiting wouldn't be much of a problem. I could also smuggle some mini fans into the hollow head space of the costume in case it gets too hot ;)

The Brick Guy

Bebs said...

To be absolutely honest, I have to admit that I didn't actually take down a bunch of grown men. I did, however, punch, kick and swear at them! It's awfully hard to throw blind punches through padded fists and actually take down anyone!

SniperOfDeath said...

Hahaha, as I read this I started to laugh a lot. This must have been on of the most disastrous jobs you have done (and written about)! I really would not be able to be in a character costume, unless I was paid quite a bit. That guy who was obviously trying to help you, must have gotten the shock of his life when Hello Kitty came up punching!

- SniperOfDeath
Wanting to win those Golden Brickarms every time.

LordHorc said...

Haha... I don't think I could stand being a costumed character...
From these stories, it sounds like you should write a book! Not many people would expect how difficult this job is, I sure didn't!

Adventure901 said...

Well, I doubt I'd be able to handle this, because of the heat. I'm more of a cold person, and get REALLY fatigued in heat.

-Hope I get the needler!
ADventure901

Magus said...

Wow, that is crazy. You are good at writing these articles. I might be able to do this job, depends on the pay. I hope the T.V. crew understood the situation from your perspective. And winning a 24K needler would be awesome. I never realized that T.V. crews were that slow.

laxdude1995 said...

"...And tonight's top story, local paramedics were beaten mercilessly by a person in a Hello Kitty mask. There were no fatalities however there were several minor injuries sustained by medical personnel, and one very pissed-off kitty.
Now here's Tom with the weather."

Army toad said...

I always wondered how people could stand the heat in costumes like that. I would see them in amusement parks and think they must have a built in air conditioning system to survive. One time at a school party thing on the field, there was a guy in a dinosaur suite. I caught him taking a sip of water with his head off, and he let me try it on. IT WAS HOT! no wounder it looked like he just stepped out of a rain storm.

pengun said...

I so could not do that the heat would kill me

treasurehunter23 said...

This sounds like an awesome idea for a video game. It would be called something like "Hello Kitty: Backstage Brawl".

To answer your question, no I don't think I could handle a job like this. I sweat a LOT, so by the time they would pull my passed out body out of the costume it would look like I just spent an hour at the bottom of the Atlantic Ocean.

Alpha Marine said...

"Call the ASPCA!" They're not letting Hello Kitty drink any water! Ronfl, that's hilarious! I don't think I would be able to wear that costume for 10 seconds even if you pay me. After 10 seconds are up I'll be leaving and you'll hear, "Hello Kitty has left the building."

edpm61 said...

That had to be a horrible day. I don't think I could be a costumed character because I hate extreme temperatures. (you needed to wear boxing gloves) :)

Bren926 said...

P.S. I gotta make Comrade Kitty now...

Bren926 said...

There should be a Comrade Kitty, with Hammer & Sickle Ushanka cap, and AK-47, so you woulnd't have to worry about fighting hand-to-hand! As for me, I don't think there would be any survivors in that studio.

PhaTic said...

An angry bird costume would be cool. Interesting story there JD.

-PhaTic

Darkjester99 said...

Hilarious story JD! Too bad they didn't have it recorded and put a silly headline on it, such as "[BREAKING NEWS] HELLO KITTY FIGHTS BACK? FIND OUT AT 11!" Anyway, bravo, I would totally go to the fight club, especially with Hello Kitty ;D
Darkjester99

Storyshaper said...

Wowee! I work in retail and I thought my job was bad during the holidays, but that is nothing compared to a Hello Kitty throwing down. Hehe...that image makes me smile.

brickmastre said...

What a story! I never knew what a job being Hello Kitty is. I would like to dress up as a LEGO minifigure if I had to choose a costume, but I don't know if I could be Hello Kitty...

Brendan Kearney said...

Love it! Hello Kitty MMA!

Brickitivity said...

It's weirder to be in a hotdog costume because everyone calls you a weener

Bebs said...

Not JD - this is Bebs!

JP said...

sure!Looks like you are already trained:D

Taser66 said...

Wow. I can't believe some one would pick on you even when you couldn't see!! I can only imagine the heat!! I hope they make a movie about it cause I would see it! :)

shadowlego29 said...

Ok...Lol.
Nice story, very interesting!
Btw you crack mw up.

Clayton said...

Lol, like I said last thread, about me as a giant oven mitt. One of the workers from the Pizza Hut down the road started to do sign spinning tricks against me. It was like an urban dance-off of kings... it was safe to say that McDonalds was dead that day, lol.

I am also known as AnnhilationNation, in certain areas.

Katkastle said...

I don’t think any of these kind people expected that Hello Kitty would wake up ready to throw down! LOL! This story is funnier then the last one! I've got what it takes to be this cat! I know what it feels like... I was the Saturday Night Live Shark once! No really, I swear on both of My... Big toes? But I wasn't Actually on the show...

Katkastle said...

I don’t think any of these kind people expected that Hello Kitty would wake up ready to throw down! LOL! This story is funnier then the last one! I've got what it takes to be this cat! I know what it feels like... I was the Saturday Night Live Shark once! No really, I swear on both of My... Big toes? But I wasn't Actually on the show... I would love to be a minifigure! Big plastic claws and all! On Second Thought, maybe not...

Brickarms Dude said...

Oh my gosh:O That story is hilarious XD But seriously, I hope your ok 'cause if I was you I would have passed out long before you did ;)(not that I would EVER take a job like that).

goldengun35 said...

Amusing, but Nyan cat will rule all!

zach said...

what a peaceful job... but hey, at least you wernt dora

Matthijs said...

I agreed with JD,
What about…a pototoe costme. Potatoes Don't have any heads, so no-one would be able to chock the life out of you. You would however still die because of the heat. :P

Bebs said...

Now there's an idea: Hello Kitty vs. Nyan Cat. We could sell tickets!

Clayton said...

Lucky, lol. I would've loved to have taken that home, and trolled the apartment buildings. *knocks on door* Candygram

Bebs said...

Showing up in unexpected places as a costume character is a kick. I picked up my baby sister once at school in costume - the kids had a fit! But I've also done surprise costume deliveries (think singing telegram, but with a kid's favorite character knocking at the door). I used to hang out with my BFF Batman a lot, partly because he could drive in costume. Sometimes on the way back from an event we'd detour to other places. Buying groceries in costume was probably the funniest - we were just walking around pushing our buggies like normal people while kids freaked out. We'd also drive by schools when kids were outside, waving from the van. And since Batman was a huge jock, he'd crash football practices and run out to try to catch a pass while I did a little impromptu cheerleading on the side. All good times, as long as you don't get the costume dirty!

Shredsmore said...

You should sign up as McGruff ;)

C. Jess said...

You have had interesting jobs... :P
(I hope I win...)

-Jess-

Newbgrinder BAF said...

Lol nice. Btw, I was referred here by the brick arm forums. For the toywiz contest with the golden needler

-Rinzler- said...

Dang! That must've been pretty scary! They were trying to help you, but it looked like they were trying to decapitate you! :P No, I couldn't handle a job like that. Bebs, you have guts to even try that!

Dragunov said...

That was pretty funny, Bebs, you have a good sense of humor. Kitty fight club basement :D
What was the aftermath to that story then?

Sam/asdkk said...

Lol you guys need a new hobby xD

AlPachinko said...

Wow, I never knew such a huge Hello Kitty Mega Bloks set existed. The only ones I can find here are the small ones, guess our toilet paper currency can't afford the bigger ones.
Interesting deconstructive article. You should mention next time how police officers in Taiwan wear Hello Kitty armbands as punishment.

Wild West Man said...

Wow that is almost as good as the McGruff one, I think if I had ton wear one of those suits I would pass out a lot sooner then most.
I tend to get heat escalation fairly fast if I can get it while sledding in the winter.
But at least you weren't one of the ones in japan and had to go on one of those crazy game shows!

Joshua YEung said...

That's something SirNormanRay would do......wait, where is he?

Make sure you wear pink boxing gloves, complete with pink ABS claws.

Joshua Yeung said...

Actually......
Get a kitty costume, wear a crab hat to hit the opponent for massive damage!

samwise_GAMGEE said...

That is hilarious! Too bad they didn't air that, I would totally watch it. Is it on Youtube or something? Probably not.

I would do the same thing if I was in your situation. I'm claustraphobic.

GIR 3691 said...

Man, that had to have been a sight to see. Giant mascots have always given me the creeps. Seeing one spaz out like that would have been quite a day to remember.

Tigger98096 said...

lol this the most hilarious job story I've ever read. They should have made this in two a tv show. Something like Batman, but instead something like Hello Kitty: Crime Fighter. This was awesome. It would have been so cool to be there!

Dog Ironbones said...

Another hilarious short by Bebs. We have now come to expect no less.

Clayton said...

I'd so have to play football with Batman. That's something I gotta put on my bucketlist, lol.

tennis.turkey said...

HA HA HA! I couldn't be Hello Kitty but I have had to be Clifford the Big Red Dog at an Elementary school

Tomanybricks said...

LOL!You really made me giggle Bebs!Espeacially the part you were thirsty!

P.S:I would like to enter in to the golden BA contest...

Adventure901 said...

Yeah, this would be a REALLY hard job.

Ethan Harris said...

It is a great and very funny story. I hope I get the gold BA.

ww2 legos said...

very funny and you just made me laugh.

ps how do we enter to the golden BA contest??

Andrew said...

Lol, Hello Kitty has claws.

sdfcxz12345 said...

hahaha good story bebs now i have something to read to my future kids! lol

sdfcxz12345 said...

haha nice one bebs.